Fat ugly slob
2004-01-12 at 8:15 a.m.
I desperately need to lose weight. I can't even count how many times I've said, "Tomorrow I'm starting another diet! This time I mean it!" I don't usually last a day. I've watched my weight go up steadily year after year. I can't believe I ever wore a size 5 jeans. I remember how when I found the perfect wedding dress, I had to gain five pounds to fit into it because it was a size 8. Now I'm having to suck in my gut to fit into 16s and 18s.
Every once in awhile I'll catch a glimpse of myself in a store window or something and I gasp at how awful I look. One time I was pushing G through the mall and saw a big fat woman pushing a stroller exactly like mine. Upon closer inspection, I noticed she was also wearing the same shirt as me! My heart sank as I realized she was also pushing the same baby as me. It was a mirrored window. The fat woman was me.
I make excuses for myself and why I can't lose weight, but when you really think about it, they're not just excuses. I can't walk, jog, do aerobics or any other task that involves using my feet, which ache so badly I can barely get across a room.
Yes, I know I need to get to a doctor. The problem is, we have new insurance as of the first of the year and we've yet to receive our cards. I don't know anything about this insurance, like whether or not I need a referral to see a podiatrist or what's covered when I do.
Eating well is something else I struggle with. I tend to buy convenience foods in order to spend more time with the kids and make things easier and less stressful for me. After a long, hard obliterating day with these kids, the last thing I want to face at 5:00pm is having to prepare a healthy gourmet meal.
I've tried every diet out there and never stick with any of them for any length of time. The most successful one I tried was in 1989, when I went on a "yard diet". I ate only things that grew in my own yard - strawberries, ornages, peaches, plums, green peppers, brussel sprouts, lettuce and lemons. I weighed 118 pounds and looked incredible. Coupled with all the exercise I got working at the post office (although I had quit by this time), I was in the shape of my life.
I wish I could be that way again.