Why me?
2004-08-31 at 3:19 p.m.
Why me?
Why don't things ever get better for me? Why am I continually put in this position?
I got two phone calls today from the school. One was regarding J. The school psychologist was confused as to why J was issued an IEP at his preschool last year. She said that the para who's been working with J can't figure out why he needed an IEP. She said he's bright, well behaved (huh?) and academically, is light years ahead of others in his age group.
She said they were going to re-evaluate him and see if another IEP is necessary. She didn't think it would be.
I beamed....
My smart boy, excelling at school and making me proud. What a great day!
Not ten minutes later, I receive another phone call. This one was from the principal and was regarding E. There are problems already. He's acting up on the bus. He's flipping the other kids off. He's using bad language. His behavior is totally inappropriate and there have been complaints.
God damn him.
Why does he do this? Last week, he told me he was lonely at school and wished that he had a friend. Does he think this is how you make them?
Dr. B said that if E can't control his behavior, they'll be forced to order a special bus for him. What a great impression for E to make... to be thrown off the regular bus two weeks after school starts. He hated riding the "special" bus in our last district, so why does he continue to behave in a way he knows will have ramifications on this bus?
I asked the principal how E was doing otherwise. Was he behaving in class? Was he getting along with others? He told me that E is definitely testing them. For example:
E's class was given an assignment in which they broke off into groups and had to write a paper entitled, "What my rules would be if I ran the school". Evidently E's answers angered his teacher. He had written...
1. We should be able to drink beer at school
2. We should be able to sit in hot tubs with our girlfriends (as if E has a clue what a "girlfriend" is... )
3. We should be able to conduct shooting practice behind the school
4. We should be able to watch rated "R" movies
I am mortifed and appalled by this. Where on earth did he come up with this garbage? K and I don't drink beer. We never have. We hate beer, as a matter of fact. E has never seen us drinking it, nor will he.
Hot tubs with girlfriends?? That doesn't even sound like E. I have to wonder if he heard someone else say it and wrote it to try to make an impression. I can't even envision him saying such a thing.
Shooting?? K and I are not fans of guns. We don't have a problem with anyone who chooses to carry, but we don't, nor would we. I try to explain to E the dangers of guns, but he continues to be fascinated by them, because of how they're glorified on TV.
When he gets home, one of the many things I plan to discuss with him is how the things he says and writes reflect upon us, as parents. He's making us look like nothing more than white trash - implying that we drink, shoot guns and watch inappropriate entertainment in the presence of our children. Nothing could be further from the truth.
I can't explain how I feel right now. I'm so embarrassed. I'm infuriated. I feel as if I don't fit in with the people around me anyway. At the bus stop, all the other children stand, behaving like angels, while my kids run around like idiots. They talk back to me and run from me when I try to keep them from running in the street. They use foul language and behave like animals. Meanwhile, I stand there like an outcast, wishing it was legal to toss my kids like Frisbees under the wheels of the oncoming bus.
You know I don't mean that. Put the phone down.
I just don't know what I have to do to get through to my kids, especially E. I've tried punishments, rewards, incentives, threats... nothing works. It's more important to him to talk like a drunken sailor and get himself into trouble than any reward or punishment I can instill.
Why me?
Why?
What have I to done to deserve this?
WHY CAN'T MY KIDS JUST BE NORMAL??