More About E's friend
2004-04-07 at 10:42 a.m.
I'm learning more about B, the boy at E's school, who died.
En is taking it harder than I thought. In fact... he's blaming himself. I never knew this or dreamt it possible. E has had a rocky relationship with B. They were friends, but didn't always get along. B was quite a bit older than E and sometimes picked on him. E must've had ill thoughts of B, because he now thinks that he's responsible for his death, with his feelings of ill will towards him.
I need to reassure E when he comes home that no one can cause another person's death with their feelings. He's free to like and dislike anyone he chooses - he does have to be nice to everyone and treat others with respect - but he can't do them harm through his thoughts.
B had a very, very rare neurological condition that causes the internal organs to shut down, one by one, hence the need for the colostomy bag about a year ago. His body stopped processing and digesting food at that time. A few weeks before his death, his heart was targeted. He was in alot of pain when he died, which absolutely tears me to pieces to hear. His death was a blessing that alleviated his pain and grief.
I learned this from E's and B's BD teacher, who had a relationship with B for seven years. She had to have known the entire time, that B's life expectancy would be short. What a horrible thing to know.
I need to focus, though, on E and his thoughts about this. He has become a very closed person - not letting his feelings be known. This may explain why he hasn't wanted to go to school the past few days. Maybe he's afraid the teachers hold him responsible for B's death or maybe he's afraid this could happen to him. I wish he would tell me these things!
Being a Mommy is such hard work.
More on B - a notice was sent home from school yesterday that B's class has chosen a charity in his name and is asking for donations in his memory. The organization chosen is a homeless shelter in St. Louis for pregnant women. I plan to donate some of my California trip spending money to the cause, to be from E. Maybe that will help lift the burden he feels.
I almost wish they had chosen to donate money towards research on the condition from which B suffered. But I guess it's so incredibly rare in children it wouldn't be worth the effort. B was one of only a few children around the world to be stricken with it. The doctors who worked with B said they had never in 30 years, seen it in a child.
On a brighter note, we went to vote last night. The polling place was E's (and J's!) new school, just down the highway from us. After I voted, E and I walked through the hallways and toured the place. It's pretty nice, with a big gym in the back of the school and a cafeteria in the front. They have a big library, loaded with computers. There are two long hallways, decorated with children's artwork, paper mache' caves, plants the children are growing and awards the school has won. One entire wing is dedicated to kindergarteners. J will love it!
I only hope this school will be as good to E as his old/current school is.
They were obviously good to B, too. He didn't live in the district but was allowed to stay with Mrs. H, probably because they knew he had a terminal illness. That's awesome that they were able to make exceptions for him.
*Sigh* I better get back to my cleaning...