Men are Assholes
2004-04-09 at 9:11 a.m.
I promised a male-bashing, profanity~laced entry and here it is...
Yesterday was "one of those days". It didn't start off too badly, but got progressively worse towards the end of the day. I left here at my normal time to pick E up from school. I got J and G ready and we went to the car. You would think that getting two small children into a car would be a fairly easy task... unless you are me and unless the two said children are MINE!
I had G by the hand and J was walking alone. I told him to please get into his car seat and I would come back after strapping G in, and buckle him. Did he get in? No. Did he wander all over hell's half acre? Of course. He trampled the new sod. He went into the street. He went back onto the front porch. He ran circles around the car. He rolled in the neighbor's wet lawn. He did everything imaginable, except get in the damn car.
Meanwhile, G is squirming because the DVD player didn't instantly come on as soon as his little butt hit his seat. He's reaching around for headphones and searching the seat for any toys he may have left. He does this thing where he thrusts himself forward and I can't strap him into his seat. It's maddening.
Finally, I'm ready to get J into his seat and he's nowhere to be found. I call his name and look all around. He's headed for the Porta-Crapper down the street - the one that at least three dozen construction workers use on a daily basis. The mother in me said, "J, please come back here." But the germophobe in me said, "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE NOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!!!!"
Sometimes I wish it wasn't against the law to drop kick children into next week. Note, I didn't say I'd do it, I said I fantasize think about it.
So finally, we get in the car and are ready to leave. I get to E's school and so begins another buzzard~fuck.
There's a procedure parents must follow when utilizing the parent's pick up option. There's a paved half-circle drive to the side of the school. When arriving, parents are to pull through the circle and stop where noted. Each parent who arrives thereafter is to pull up behind the last car. Do people follow this procedure? No. Instead, people park as close to the door as possible, so their precious child has less of a walk and so they can get out before the parents who have correctly followed procedure.
Oh, I can see why parents wouldn't want their child to walk through the entire half-circle during the grueling weather conditions we experienced yesterday. After all, sunny and 69 degrees is tough to take.
<~~ Writer rolls eyes - you can too, if you like ~~>
So I manuever my vehicle through the narrow half-circle drive to the alotted parking area, as I'm supposed to. In doing so, I had to drive in the dirt so as not to hit the cars of the parents who failed to follow procedure. These people ought to be sent addendums to their tax bills.
E is brought out and gets into the car. I attempt to leave, but alas! I'm not able. I have to first wait for the important people, whose time is worth more than mine and whose children are better than mine. So sorry! I forgot that I, who did things correctly, have to wait for you who did not.
Finally, all the traffic behind me pulls through and I'm able to leave. E reminded me that I was to take him to K's office after school. K was going to work on the Goddamn race car, and E wanted to go along. I was more than happy to oblige, since he's out of school for the next four days. Any fight-free time I can score, I happily do so.
I fight the in-town traffic to get to the highway. At least two people flipped me the bird for doing only five to ten miles over the speed limit on MRM Drive. Fuckers.
As I'm getting off the highway, I call K to alert him as to our impending arrival. He says he's closing his desk and heading downstairs. I arrive at his office and park near his car. And wait.
And wait. And wait and wait.
Then, I wait some more. If I had back even half the time I've spent waiting around for this man in the past nineteen years, I could add to my life expectancy.
I wait some more. Waiting wouldn't have been too terribly awful, since it was a nice day and there were thousands of red tulips in the lot to view, but there was a problem...
I HAD TO PEE SO F'N BAD!!!!
I had brought a soda with me and it evidently went right through me. I thought I would DIE! Finally, the dumb son of a bitch comes downstairs. I told him, as I ran past him with pee dribbling down my leg, that I was NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN!!!
I went into his office building and used the bathroom, just in the nick of time, lemme tell ya. It felt so good to pee, that God only knows what the girl in the next stall thought I was doing. I thought about wandering the office building for 25 minutes so K could see what it's like to have to wait, but I just wanted to go the hell home.
That man has no sense of time whatsoever. He doesn't stop to consider my feelings, ever. He just takes for granted that I'll sit and wait. And wait. Fucker.
He gets in the car with E and leaves, I get in my car with J and G and leave. It was now 5:00pm and I was going to hit the traffic head on. Let me give you a little tip...
If you've never driven from the city of St. Louis into the suburbs during rush hour, then you don't know traffic! Not even the 405 at LAX is as bad as the commute from K's work to our house. If I had to drive in that shit everyday, I'd go postal.
About half way home, I decide to say fuck it to both my diet and my budget and stop at Popeye's for dinner. I got off the highway, stopped at an ATM in front of the restaurant and then pulled into the drive~thru lane. As I was leaving my order, I remember now why I don't go to Popeye's...
The lard filled biscuits, you say? The pounds and pounds of saturated fat in their chicken, you say? The filthy substandard kitchen conditions, you say? No.
The fact that this particular asshole who works there ALWAYS shorts me part of my order. ALWAYS. As soon as I heard his voice, I knew it was him. I ordered my food, got to the window, paid and waited. I was handed a bag that I immediately inspected.
Naturally, so as not to break their track record of shitty service, they had "forgotten" my red beans and rice. I stayed in the drive thru lane and waited to get the employee's attention again. He was deliberately ignoring me - likely planning what he could "short" from the order behind me.
He finally opened the window again and I told him he had shorted me the beans and rice. He gave me the same shpiel he always does... "It was just an oversight ma'am, we didn't do it on purpose!" The fact that he recites this line everytime I go there, tells me it's part of the master Popeye's Money Making Plan. After a couple of minutes of waiting, the asshole then says to me, "What do you want NOW?!" I said, "Just the same ole red beans and rice I'VE BEEN FUCKING WAITING FOR!" He looked around and saw it sitting behind him. I guess he thought I could will it into my car or something. Lazy son of a bitch.
From there, the twenty minute drive home took me an hour, what with traffic and the stupid people to whom they give licenses anymore.
As if all of this wasn't enough, I had no water when I got home. Apparently, another huge water main had broken and half the town was going to be without water most of the night. Awesome...
I think that fat bastard spit in my red beans and rice, because I was sick as a dog all night.
G had a grand old two hour nap in the car on the way home, so naturally, he was up and rarin' to go all flippin' night. He finally fell asleep around 11:45pm.
K apologized this morning for being such a stupid asshole late last night. I'm not sure I accept his apology. I prefer to sit and sulk for awhile. Hmph.
Today should be another banner day, with E home from school and me with an upset stomach.
Should make for another long profanity~laced entry tomorrow.
Happy (whasso damn good about it) Friday!