2 fucked up 2 clean
2004-10-07 at 9:16 a.m.
I swore today I wasn't going to sit on my fat ass, warming this computer chair. I had planned to get up early and start giving this house a good cleaning. As you can see, it's not turning out that way.
I didn't sleep well last night, having dreams about people dropping babies off at my door and my having to run out and buy formula and a bottle with which to feed him. I had to explain to a cop in this dream why I couldn't breastfeed this baby even though I had breastfed my own kids. Men...
After this ridiculous dream, I lay awake, tossed and turned and even came down here to the computer for a little while. I finally got to sleep just as the sun was coming up. Hence reason number one why I don't feel like following through with my plans to clean today.
Reason number two is... anyone? Anyone? That's right! My first born son! He got right up this morning, only because he'd once again wet his bed. He took a shower without incident, but once the soap hit him, he must have come to life, because the attitude started right in. He refused to get out of the shower. He refused to get dried off and dressed. He refused his meds. Here we fucking go again...
I told him, and how serious I was about following through with it, I don't know... that at 8:30, in whatever state of dress or undress he happened to be, his narrow ass was going to the bus stop. If he was fully dressed with breakfast in his belly - grand. If he was naked, wet, hungry and wrapped in a towel - so be it.
See, this is where the problem lies. I've heard this is the stand you sometimes have to take with kids like this. But realistically, what if I had to follow through with it?? Can you imagine the ramifications? The DFS hotline would be flooded with calls regarding a wet, naked child standing at a bus stop wrapped in a towel in 55 degree weather. My only defense would be that I'm instilling "tough love" because said child refused to do a damn thing he was told.
Finally, as it usually does, something snapped in him and he came down without further incident. But for me, the damage is done. I'm a babbling basket case of goo after incidents like this. Mentally, I feel like I can't just pick myself up, dust myself off and resume my plans for the day. I want to just sit here and vegetate for 10 or 12 hours as a reward to myself.
I feel sorry for Kev!n, who has to deal with these kids by himself while I'm on my trip. They'll be home from school four of the seven days I'm gone. I hope they don't drive each other crazy. Typically, they're better behaved for him than they are for me, but E is such a different kid than he was six months ago...
I can't worry about it. I deserve my time away.
Well, I guess I better check some emails and do something resembling anything around the house.