Bullies
2004-08-27 at 9:25 a.m.
I�ve been on all sides of the �bully� issue.
I�ve been bullied:
Michelle B. used to taunt me continually in second grade, about everything from what I wore to the notebook and satchel I carried. I remember crying myself to sleep over it for several months until Michelle finally moved on to a new victim. Lynn S. stalked me when I was in first grade and she was in sixth, because I had accidentally turned the lights out on her while she was in the girls� bathroom. I was terrified of her because she smoked and hung out with boys who drove cars. The memory is a painful one.
I�ve bullied:
I tortured poor little Billy, a boy who lived in my cousin�s apartment complex. He came over to our group and asked if he could play with us. I saw his ice cream stained face and shabby clothes and said, �Who would want to play with YOU? Look at you - with ice cream all over your ugly face and clothes! Go away!� Even when Billy re-emerged, with clean clothes, freshly washed face, neatly combed hair and a hopeful look on his face, I screamed once again for him to go away, that we still didn�t want to play with someone like him. How could I have been so cruel? This memory is even more painful and I cry to think of that sweet little boy and the look of pain of his freckled face as I rejected him and the kids behind me laughed. I�ll burn in hell for what I put that child through.
Now I face the most painful side of bullying imaginable. I�m the mother of a bullied child. Two, actually. It turns out that E and J both have been picked on and threatened on their bus, and have been since day one. The perpetrators of this act are two fifth graders and a second grader. They called E retarded. They made fun of J for his Wiggles backpack. They told them they were going to beat the crap out them both. E is pretty big for his age, so it baffles me why anyone would try to pick on him. And J... what kind of cruel little bastard would pick on a kindergartner? So he carries a Wiggles backpack. Just what is he supposed to be into? The Texas Chainsaw Massacre? He�s FIVE, for Chrissake!
My first thought of how to handle this, was to let it go. Kids pick on kids - it�s a sad but true fact of life. Let it dissolve on its own. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought... no. If it were just E, I might try to let him handle it on his own. But it involves J, who can�t very well defend himself verbally or physically. Plus, a threat was issued. They threatened my children with physical harm and I can�t sit idly by and allow that. The district, as do most these days, has a zero-tolerance bullying policy. I want to push this to the �letter of the law� so to speak.
I know from past bullying experience, that E has a tendency to provoke kids. In our old neighborhood, a boy up the street from us hated E and tortured him every chance he got. True, E did what he could to anger this child. It was almost as if he got a thrill out of it. But Ryan was five years older than E and should have had better things to do that make a preschooler�s life a living hell.
I worry that taking this to the principal will only makes things worse for the boys. I worry that they�ll be known as the �pussies� whose Mommy and Daddy fight their battles for them. But I�ll take that chance. I�d rather they be known as wimps than be continually made the butt of every joke. I�d rather these little cocksuckers bullies see immediately that K and I aren�t going to tolerate this and that it had better stop right fucking now or they don�t want to know the kind of trouble we can make for them.
K took the boys to the stop this morning. I wanted him to board the bus and have E point out the ones who were giving them trouble. K told the bus driver the situation and she was very concerned. She assured him that it will absolutely not be tolerated - that she plans to tell the kids� teachers and the principal what they�ve said and done, so a stop can be put to it now. She also has plans to develop a seating chart and give everyone assigned seats, with the kindergartners and other lower grades up front, away from the bigger kids. This may not help E as much, but he assures me this whole thing doesn�t bother him the way it does me. I hope he�s telling me the truth. When I asked J about the bullies, he didn�t really know what they were talking about. He doesn�t perceive things the way most people do. As opposed to being hurt, he probably just thought the kids were being friendly. J lives in his own little world.
It�s one of the worst feelings in the world knowing your kids are hated by other kids. You feel helpless. Why can�t these children see what smart, funny little boys I have and befriend them? I�m so defensive of them, it�s unbelievable. I have to hold myself back from jumping in and making an ass of myself. I sent K to the stop this morning, so I wouldn�t be tempted to board that bus, grab those little bastards by the shirt collars and knock them into next week. "Pick on MY kids, will ya? I�ll show you... " Nah, that wouldn�t look proper or ladylike.
Keep your fingers crossed that this situation ends as quickly as it began. My heart can�t take this much drama.