Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck
2004-10-13 at 6:02 a.m.
So much has happened the past few days. I feel it building up since I haven't updated. Where to begin?
The situation in my last entry seems to have remedied itself. I heard from the friend about whom I wrote. Now that's it's all back to normal, I wonder if I overreacted to the whole thing? He hadn't meant to neglect me. He truly was having computer problems - cured by a new modem, in fact - and now he's back to writing on a regular basis. He even wants to take time off while I'm in California to see me. I guess since I have so few friends, I wanted to make damn sure I held onto him for dear life. I don't ever want to make stupid mistakes again that cost me friendships.
In other news, our refinance went through yesterday, but not without a hitch (I mean... did you think it would?? This is ME, after all) Because we have no debt other than our home, we don't qualify for the premiere interest rate. Had we some open accounts with low to zero balances, we would have gotten the best rate possible. Because of this, our payment is actually going UP. See... evidently we obtained our first loan without incorporating the property taxes, concluding that we would be refinancing soon anyway and could figure in the taxes at the close of the current loan or pay them in a lump sum at the end of the year.
Our property taxes are so outrageous they make me want to run for political office. I realize it's based on high property values and a AAA rated school system, but Jesus Fucking Christ.
So, although we get to enjoy the next two months payment free, we have to set aside a large portion of each check to pay the tax bill.
I had to load the kids in the rain to run a check for said tax bill to Kev!n's office yesterday. A courier picked up the check and dropped off the documents for signatures. My freshly straightened hair was a disaster by the time we got home.
I had no sooner walked in the door when the phone rang. I recognized the deep, booming voice at the other end of the phone... "Hi, Mrs. McBlahBlah. This is Dr. BlahBlah, up at school...
Christ, what did E do now.
"We have a serious situation here... "
Allow me to enter at this point. You don't ever want to say the words "serious situation" to a woman with an anxiety disorder. The room proceeded to spin on me as I envisioned ambulances, blood, broken bones and emergency room doors.
"E was having a great day - his best day ever, in fact until... "
To make a long story short, towards the end of the day, E was quite tired and put his head down on his desk in class. The teacher called on him, but he wouldn't lift his head. His para asked him to sit up and answer the question being asked of him. Instead, he brought his elbow back and hit his para in the chest.
She's fine and it didn't end up being a big deal, but they felt E should receive an out of school suspension.
Sure. Why the fuck not after the day I've had. Dr. B wanted me to come get E right then and there. I lied and told him I was home with two sick kids and couldn't. Truth is, there's no way possible I could have taken J and G to that school and had them sit still while I discuss the situation. They'd have torn that school apart. He even asked if Kev!n could come to get him. School was due to be released in TWENTY MINUTES, but he felt E should be dismissed then and there.
He also was apprehensive allowing E to ride the bus home, fearing he might hurt the little disabled boy who rides with him. I knew for a fact he wouldn't and was really getting irritated at the principal's insistance that something be done RIGHT FUCKING NOW. He ended up bringing him home in his own car.
I asked J to please go to his room while I talked to Dr. B. (He's supposed to be one of two sick kids, after all) I threatened to take away the computer for a week if he came out and disturbed me. Naturally, he came out and disturbed me. I felt like I was eight years old again, having a school prinicipal standing in my HOUSE! Ewww!
I had wanted to talk to E about what had happened - to get his side of the story, but I couldn't talk to him. I just wanted him to go away. Part of me wanted to hold him tight and never let him go, but most of me wanted him to go. I gave him his medicine and started to cry. He knew he had done wrong and seemed quite remorseful. He apologized to me and left to go to his room without being asked.
I tried to find the words to tell Kev!n. I knew he would blow a gasket if I didn't word it just so. I rehearsed a few choice phrases then made the call. He was angry, as expected, but managed to keep his cool for the most part.
Later, when E came down for dinner, I tried to piece together what had happened. E had been feeling sick that morning. He was stuffy and seemed tired. (We're all either getting over colds or catching them) I debated whether to even send him to school.
*Kicking myself in the fat ass for sending him*
I thought perhaps he was tired, had fallen asleep and his hitting the para was simply an unconscious reaction to being awakened. I was so hoping E would tell me that's what had happened. That he was sleeping and that he hadn't meant to hurt anyone.
He said he wasn't sleeping. He said he wasn't tired. He wasn't angry at Mrs. L, but he simply wanted her to leave him alone and was trying to push her away. I reminded him again about cause and effect. How he needs to stop to think what the result of an action will be before committing the action. I know it's hard for an eight year old boy - it's hard for adults, too. But what if he had seriously hurt her? What if she had to go to the hospital? He could have broken a rib, a nose, a tooth. What if she decided to sue? He thinks we have no money now...
So today, E will be home with me. *Sulks* What did I do wrong? Why am I being punished. I informed him that he can sleep late, only because he's borderline sick and I don't want to make him worse by denying him sleep, but that when he gets up, he'll be working. He'll be writing a letter of apology to Mrs. L, he'll be doing the homework that his teacher sent home and he'll be helping me around the house. He won't be parking his ass in front of TV, nor will he be playing computer games.
I had just explained to a friend via email how well E was doing in school and now this. Damn him!
Well, there was more I wanted to say but this has gotten long enough and my coffee is brewed, so I'll end it.
Have a good day. I know I won't!