"Sick" my ass...
2004-02-18 at 6:24 p.m.
NOTE TO SELF: Addendum to parenting manual, chapter on sick children ~~> New rule in effect. Unless blood is spewing from eye sockets of ill child, send to school and let your tax dollars work for you.
E was fine today, behavior-wise, until he woke up. Since then, I've been regretting keeping his narrow ass home from school.
It's a sad state of affairs when you wish illness on your children. Well, I don't really, but if I've kept him home from school, I expect him to at least be more gentle in his torture of his younger siblings. I prefer him to engage in an all-day slumber.
All this said, I have something else on my mind...
Bandages
I hate shopping for them. I absolutely despise shopping for the fuckin' things. It used to be so simple... run out of Bandages, go to Wal-Mart, buy Band-Aids or the generic version thereof and life goes on.
Not anymore.
Now, I have an exceptionally large selection from which to choose. Do I choose..
~ Elmo band-aids, and take a chance that the eight year old would sooner bleed to death than apply Elmo to his wounds?
~ Bob the Builder band-aids and risk the same dilemma?
~ Yu-Gi-Oh! band-aids and take my chances that the five year old and two year old will be too frightened by the odd, large-eyed, spike headed figures to want to wear them?
~ Dora band-aids and be scolded by three males who wouldn't dream of wearing "girl" band-aids in front of their friends?
~ Or do I buy a character my kids like and want to wear over every inch of their bodies, regardless of no wounds being under said bandages? I speak from experience on this latter issue. I've been known to reach for the band-aids as blood runs down my freshly shaven leg, only to discover an empty box where Bear in the Big Blue House first-aid strips once lived. "Didn't I just buy these Goddamn things yesterday?" I say.
Not to mention the variety of sizes, types and quantities offered nowadays in first aid sundries.
Do I buy the variety pack and end up with 721 of those useless little half-inch long strips? Or the cloth-like kind that bend with your every move? How about the clear type? AAAAAAUUUUGGGHHH!!
I was shopping for bandages recently. As I turned my shopping cart onto the aisle of dread, I heard a woman say, "Christ, I hate shopping for band-aids!"
*Instant kinship* I think I found the woman from whom I was separated at birth!
"YES! YES!" I said.
It's just nice to know I'm not alone in my disdain. That reminds me... we're out of band-aids.