NO PEDDLERS NOR AGENTS!
2004-01-27 at 2:46 p.m.
Here's something I don't get... why do pregnant celebrites refuse to wear maternity clothes? Every time I open Peeeeeple magazine, I see women eight months pregnant, wearing tight little stretchy, spandex tops with their bellies hanging out. It's not as if maternity clothes haven't changed since the "I Love Lucy" days of frumpy smocks with bows on top. Mom-to-be clothes nowadays are more fashionable than the shit I find in the misses department. Can they not afford a trip to Motherhood for a shirt that fits a little better? Please.
Just a gripe of mine, sorry.
I wish my kids wouldn't answer the door. I don't always feel like chasing salesmen away and would rather they believe I'm not home. In fact, it's safe to say that unless I'm expecting someone, I never answer the door. Especially when it's 2:00pm and I'm still in my pajamas.
But nothing I say convinces J to ignore that damned doorbell. Today, while I was wearing yellow polar fleece jammies with wittle stars and moonies on them, the doorbell rang. I said, through gritted teeth, ", don't answer that!!" Next thing I hear is a brightly flashing smile saying... "HI! IS YOUR MOM OR DAD HOME?!"
I go to the door, shooing J (and G, who has now congregated around the door) away impatiently. I turned to see Joe Salesman, who looked just like he sounded, trying to sell me maintenance free vinyl siding. Stunned, I stood there with my mouth open for at least two mintues. I peered out the front door to ascertain that I was in fact not on Candid Camera and asked Joe this.
"What do you see on my house?"
JOE: "Maintenance free vinyl siding."
ME: "RIGHT! What do you NOT see in front of my house."
JOE: "A lawn? A mailbox?"
ME: "RIGHT AGAIN! Look around some more. Do you see anyone living on either side of me? Do you see brand new homes going up all around? What does that tell you about the age of my home, Joe? Just shout out the answer when you know! Don't be shy!"
JOE: "It's brand new!"
ME: "RIGHT JOE!! How smart you are! And if my home is brand new, what do I NOT need?"
JOE: "Maintenance free vinyl siding?"
ME: "You've got it now, Joe! Good for you! NOW GET OUT!"
He went to the house across the street. Evidently, Joe figured the houses six days older than mine might just be in better need of his siding.