My Body Sucks
2004-03-01 at 9:45 a.m.
I've been a bad little diarist, not updating everyday. I apologize.
E is doing better. His infection is clearing and is back to school today. He enjoyed being waited on hand and foot over the weekend, but things are resuming normalcy today. His nasty treatment of me this morning was proof of that.
This weekend, I went through my closet and examined my spring/summer wardrobe. You can examine it, too, as I put it all on ebay over the next few days. Nothing from last year fits me anymore and not because I've lost weight. Waah!
I just don't get it. I'm the first to admit, I can't stick to a diet. I also concede that I eat poorly and eat way too much. But I don't really eat any differently than I ever did. Why does the weight just seem to pack on now?
K suggests that the stress under which I function doesn't allow my body to process foods the way it did, say ten years or so ago. Whatever the reason, I'm bigger than I ever was and I hate it. I hate having to go to K's side of the closet to find something comfortable to wear.
Most of my diets last a few hours - literally! I make a resolution in the morning to lose weight, then by lunch, I've blown it. Last week, I stayed fairly disciplined for the entire week, with a few small exceptions. I got on the scale and had gained three pounds!! I wouldn't let it get me down if I thought maybe I was losing inches instead, but I'm not. All my spring and summer things from last year are too tight. Even things I bought late, late in the summer.
I would just accept my size if it weren't for one thing. Well, two.
My boobs!
Being big is one thing, but having these saggy, drooping water balloons dangling from my bra make me even less attractive. I can't find a bra to fit and my back is killing me from the "twins'" substantial weight. I want them smaller and higher.
I had looked into a breast reduction, but now that we have new insurance, I need to start my research all over again. I doubt I could ever afford the deductible. Maybe I should send a letter to Extreme Makeover? I could include my kangaroo pouch and ski-slope nose into the challenge.
Just a thought. Well, Monday stuff awaits. Good day.