Putting the fun in dysfunction.
2004-03-13 at 4:37 p.m.
I know my entry was a tad dramatic yesterday and I apologize for it. Right now, I'm just in a very, very low place and my diary is one of the few places I have to turn.
E has been horrible lately. I assume it's because he's out of school and bored out of his mind, but he needs to learn how to amuse himself without falling to pieces if I'm not at his beckon call for entertainment purposes. I do things with him, but it's never enough. If I don't provide constant activity, he passes the time by tormenting his brother and running through the house like a maniacal psychopath. Yesterday was the worst. It was one of those days where it was as if he wasn't medicated at all. Nothing seemed to calm him down all day.
He is downright nasty and hateful to me. When I ask him to do something, he mocks me and rolls his eyes. He tells me what to do and condescends to me like a abusive spouse.
I've tried holding the trip to California over his head as bribery, but it isn't working. I decided today that I'm not going to take him with me. I'm not going to announce it or make a point of it, I'm just going to quietly change the dates of my trip around, hope and pray that the condo is available another time and just go without him. Cruel? Yes, it probably is, but I go on these trips to get away from it all - not to take it along. I can't see the logic in rewarding him for treating me like dog shit.
I'll have to reschedule the trip for a time when E is in school. I couldn't saddle K with all three kids at once. I don't hate him that much. If there are no availabilities at the condo, I'm stuck taking him. No ifs ands or buts. I can't afford a hotel and staying with my mom is out of the question.
So I guess you can say my trip is pretty much up in the air.
J continues to perplex me. I go back and forth between thinking his doctor is right - that he does have a form of autism, and thinking that something else is going on.
A couple of years ago, he was tested for a sleep apnea. I've never been satisfied with the results it yielded. They detected nothing wrong. They noted he got a good, deep night's sleep, never snored and never even moved. Well, maybe he should sleep at the sleep clinic every night, because he had never slept that well before and hasn't slept that well since.
He tosses and turns, whimpers and snores enough to rip wallpaper off of walls... the neighbor's walls! I've also noted that he stops breathing for sometimes close to a minute, then labors to catch his breath.
My theory is that he's getting such a poor night's sleep, that he can't help but be overactive and defiant the next day, out of sheer exhaustion. Another theory I have is something I heard a year or so ago. Many kids who were diagnosed with ADHD and Asper-ger's in actuality, have tonsillitis. Their enlarged tonsils were somehow causing behavioral difficulties. When the tonsils were removed, the difference in their behavior was night and day.
We suggested this to his doctor, who checked his tonsils. She said they were "generous" in size, but not inflamed. I may insist they be removed anyway, to see if this cures our problems.
Take today for example... J has become obsessed with the neighbors across the street from us. They're a super sweet couple in their 40s with a teenage son. They adore J and love him to pieces. Trouble is... J never lets up on these people.
He talks about them non-stop. He cries all day to see them. When they come over to their house (they're not quite moved in yet), he'll throw fits that last for hours about wanting to go see them. I'm trying to keep him from becoming a Dennis the Menace type and pestering them constantly. I don't mind if he wants to see them once in awhile, but he doesn't seem to realize how much work is involved in moving into a new home. No one wants a pesky five year old underfoot, asking stupid questions and driving them batty.
Today's fit lasted well over two hours, until he cried himself to sleep, then resumed shortly after waking up.
I feel like I'm in hell with a coat on because of the lack of perspective this kid has, I realize he's five and can't posess too much perpsective, but when I tell him "NO YOU CANNOT GO TO T AND D'S HOUSE!!!" for three solid hours, shouldn't he give it up? He acts as if his world is crashing down around him because he can't go wander through their house. Nothing I threaten him with is working. Nothing means as much to him as going over to their house, apparently.
The way he acts around other people is so strange, as well. I get so embarrassed for him when the first thing (and only thing) he tells people is the PBS Kids TV line up. This damn child can sit there and tell you what is on channel 295 next Tuesday at midnight, simply because he's memorized the DirecTV guide. I find it annoying, others find it fascinating, but realistically, it's downright fucking weird.
I know, I know... it's a symptom of Asp-erger's. My very own little Rain Man. You'd think the kid who can remember the proper order of 439 TV shows could remember where the toilet is or to pull up his pants that are falling down around his knees.
There are other things weighing heavily on my mind, but I'll save them for another entry. Bless you mooches if you've gotten this far.
Tune in tomorrow for more dysfunctionality!