My Three Sons
2004-12-05 at 12:36 p.m.
I feel discombobulated, but in a pleasant way.
Last night, and again this morning, I dug out my old home videos. I hadn't viewed them in years and had forgotten the vast majority of what these videos contained. I sat and tearfully watched, being reminded of each of my children when they were little, sweet, curious and new.
I feel almost in a daze today. I slept last night, forgetting in which house we now live. I woke up and wandered through the house looking for a little blonde boy with long curls, dimples and huge brown eyes. A boy with a scruffy voice who was already reciting the alphabet at fourteen months and was pleased as punch when a new Elmo's World was shown on Sesame Street. A boy who was sweet, funny, loving and good.
That child is now replaced with one only inches shorter than his mother, with dark blonde hair and an amazing talent for comic book writing. A boy who the tooth fairy has visited for the last time and who wears deodorant.
The next child was so small, he fit in the crook of my arm with room to spare. He had black hair a pinky fingernail the size of the head of a pin. I stared with wonder at the most beautiful baby I'd ever seen and watched with bittersweet sadness as he took his first steps and sang along to the "Toy Story" theme song.
That boy is now replaced with a tall, skinny, angelic six year old, with a head full of shaggy dark hair, desperately in need of a cut. A boy who can read his older brother's school books and do multiplication in his head. A boy who beats his parents at Scrabble and has the same face as the baby in those movies.
There aren't many videos of the third child. Life and its busy demands took priority over filming the next baby's special events and for that, I'll forever live in regret. There were a few images though, of a chubby, sweet, happy baby who revelled in watching his older brothers play. He was the only baby in these movies with eyes like sparkling sapphires.
He's been replaced with an independant, strong-willed three year old, with a limited vocabulary and the longest eyelashes known to man. A child who still sleeps in the crook of mom's arm at night, because she's a sucker for her last baby.
The kids have all requested we watch the movies again and again. I'm not sure I can. It makes me too sad to realize how quickly they're growing. In the blink of an eye, they'll be driving, graduating and leaving me. They'll work, go to college (hopefully) and marry. They'll have beautiful babies of their own someday and with any luck, feel about their children what I'm feeling about them today.
I love my three little boys.