Walls closing in...
2004-07-14 at 11:26 a.m.
Not much going on here... I'm so ready for school to start, I can't see straight.
Everyday it's the same shit. J and G play quietly in the morning, then E comes downstairs and turns the household on its ear. As soon as his presence is known, all three kids start screaming, running, throwing toys and trashing things. Their mouths turn foul and they refuse to do a thing I say. I have no control over these kids, because E holds the "I'll trash things" card over my head and J knows his marathon tantrums will keep me from disciplining him.
I wish we had a chill-out room where I could take the kids when they get like this. A place that's quiet and safe, where they could rage and scream to their heart's content and they wouldn't harm themselves, nor do damage to my property. I seriously need to look into building such a place.
I'm limited to what I can do to entertain them. It's been nearly 100 degrees the past two days so going outside for activities simply isn't an option. Plus there's my own limitations. What I can't get these kids to realize is... when they wear their Mommy down emotionally and physically, Mommy is ill-equipped to plan fun shit to do.
We met with the principal of the boys' new school yesterday. I was relieved to learn that they have all the facilities and services E will need in his quest for an education. They qualify for bus services, even though we live less than a mile from school. Of the three third grade teachers, two of them have degrees in special ed, so E will have a good, qualified teacher regardless where he's placed. I guess I had invisioned a teacher like the kind I had - old, wrinkly and on the verge of death. The kind of teacher who'd swat your wrist with a ruler if your eyes left the blackboard.
After the summer I've had with him, I'm tempted to not care what kind of teacher he gets. I just need a break from this child. He's driving me completely insane. How I wish he was normal - even for a day. What I would give to have one day where this kid did what he was told and didn't tell me no, call me names and run through the house like a psychopath. I dream about it.
I sit here and type, as the screams fill the house. I can't deal with it anymore. I want out of this house and a leave of absence from my job as mental hospital administator.