A new ME
2004-07-06 at 8:28 a.m.
I'm trying to make some changes in my life. I realized that a large part of why I feel so down, is because of how I look. Just a few short years ago, I had to gain five pounds to fit into my size eight wedding dress. Since then, I've gained 60 pounds, ten of which I was able to lose and keep off. I catch a glimpse of myself in store windows and mirrors and I gasp. Is that really me? I especially hate all the weight I've gained in my back and chest. I look positively awful.
I'm setting November 1st as a goal day and 35 pounds as a goal loss. If I can get to that point, the rest of the weight should come off easily. That's four months. If I can't drop 35 pounds in four months, then my life is as hopeless as I sometimes think it is.
I'm not going to undergo any radical dietary changes. I've tried dieting hundreds of times in the past and they don't work for me. I always feel deprived by what I'm missing and overwhelmed by the constant counting, weighing measuring and calculating. I plan to eat smaller portions of what I love, less snacks and more fresh fruit and vegetables. I'm going to force myself to drink *gag* water.
If my feet can tolerate it, I'm going to walk every morning, weather permitting. I began this morning, walking through my neighborhood. I saw two new houses being built and found a family of frogs by the creek. It's amazing what you can see beyond the windshield of a car.
I plan to revitalize my abandoned crafts, as well. I used to have a talent for scrapbooking and I'd like to get back into it before I'm too old to hold a scissors.
Something else I'd like to investigate is the possibility of starting a gift basket business. It's something for which I feel I may have a talent and something I've always said I was going to try.
I need to start doing more for Linda. I feel like I'm depriving myself a sense of self (Christ, I sound like a hippie) by constantly putting my own needs on the back burner.
There are some things in my life I'm helpless to change - like one thing in particular that has me most emotional. But I'm trying my best to deal with and accept it. Sorry to be vague, but it's a personal situation...
I'm going to try to take better charge of the kids so they don't walk all over me and I'm going to try to make my marriage a little more civil. I'm going to try to value the friendships I have and not dwell on what I'm lacking.
None of this will be easy. It'll especially be hard certain times of the month, when I most feel despair.
Wish me luck - I'm going to need it!