More of my Trip
2004-05-04 at 7:21 p.m.
Want an American Idol commentary? Okay! Here's one.
I don't give a shit. There you have it! Back to your regularly scheduled entry.
I'll continue where I left off - writing last Sunday's entry from my trip...
SUNDAY, APRIL 24 (cont.)
It was hot in the Valley, probably 100. I was glad to get the hell out of there and drive to Ventura County. They sky was clear as we came down the Conejo grade and saw �the view�, the one that always seems to say, �Welcome Home, L!� The islands were visible and the air quality was awesome.
I took a quick detour on the way to the condo and drive past my old house.
Good God!
The idiots who bought the house from us continue to amaze me with their stupidity. The roof is in such a state of disrepair, I can�t see how it doesn�t leak when it rains or how the city allows it to remain looking so shabby and unsafe.
The shutters, the ones I painted and hung, have all been removed. The stucco is cracked and discolored. Some areas have been patched, but not repainted. The usual amount of shit adorns the driveway and yard. With all this needing attention, what do they tend to first? Why, removing the planter, front porch and overhang, of course! ????? Mom seems to think they�re planning to add on, but add what? There�s no room to add anything more than an entryway. Who the hell knows. They�re such weird people. The only people weirder are the goofy assholes who bought our last house, in Missouri.
After Mom and I checked into the condo, we went to the grocery store. We bought a few snack type things to have around. One thing they didn�t have was Mom�s ice cream, so we had to go to another store. We pulled into the Von�s parking lot, where I saw... a black Mustang with the top down. Lar-ry�s car! Yay! I pulled into the spot next to him and went into the store. I saw Lar-ry in the check out lane, buying a TV Guide. I snuck up behind him and put my arms around him. He was surprised to see me. (He later told me he thought that was the coolest thing anyone has ever done. *Grins*)
We talked for a bit then made plans to get together tomorrow. Mom and I drove back to the condo, ate the fried chicken and potato salad we bought for dinner and watched �Designed to Sell� and �Extreme Makeover Home Edition�.
K says it�s rained all weekend back home, but the kids are being good for him. I hope he�s giving them plenty of hugs and kisses from their Mommy who misses them!
MONDAY, APRIL 26
Since none of our favorite restaurants around here are open on Mondays, we ended up having breakfast at Coco�s. As per usual, we then went shopping at the Camarillo Outlet Mall. I bought some pajamas for G and debated whether to buy myself a couple of things. I may go back Friday when K gets paid and buy an outfit I liked, if I can remember where I saw the damn thing.
I bought some cast iron stars for my Americana-country family room. Later, at TJMaxx, I found a flag wall-hanging to go with it. I called Lar-ry and made plans to go over to his house after Mom and I were done at the outlet mall.
When I got to his house, he showed me his awesome new printer. I may have to have one of these things! He can take the memory card from his digital camera, insert it directly into the printer and print a proof sheet with thumbnails of the pictures on the card. He then marks on the sheet which pictures he wants to print and the printer scans the barcode on the picture and prints it. TOO COOL.
He showed me pictures he took last year of his hometown in Kansas. Afterwards, we went to Ventura to a place called Sharkey�s, a mexican grill. I had an awesome burrito. I dropped him off afterwards and came back to pick up Mom. We did some more shopping then went to In �n� Out for dinner. For those of you unfamiliar with In �n� Out, it�s the best damn hamburger around. We got home in time to see �The Swan�, another show to which I�m addicted.
TUESDAY, APRIL 27
The weather sure is beautiful here, aside from record high temps. It�s always cool here at the beach. It�s sunny and clear and the islands look like you could reach out and touch them. I had some trouble sleeping last night, likely from drinking nothing all day but coffee and caffeinated soda. The surf was strong and loud all night. If I had to be kept awake, at least it was to a nice sound like that. I love seeing the water from my window. I worship the ocean.
This morning, we had breakfast at Dorothy�s, our usual Tuesday place. The owner always remembers us. He even noticed my haircut - the one I�m still sure I�m happy with - even though he hasn�t seen me since October. We went shopping in Camarillo after another quick drive~by of my old house. We went thrift store shopping where I found a really cute Liz Claiborne top and a pair of Lee denim shorts. Across the street was a little country boutique where I found some cute things for my dining room.
We went to Kohl�s, but were too tired to do any shopping, so we went across the mall to Sharkey�s, where La-rry and I ate yesterday. Afterwards, we went back to the beach to take naps. I only slept for a few minutes, then woke up really bothered.
Have you ever had the feeling you were about to receive bad news? That something was about to go horribly wrong? I had that feeling today. I called home and talked to all my guys, so I knew it wasn�t anything going on at home. It actually has something to do with Lar-ry. I�m not sure why, but I�m scared something is terribly wrong. He�s coming over tonight, so I�ll talk to him about it.
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 28th
I may have had reason to worry. Last night, while Lar-ry and I were walking on the beach, he told me something I�ve been dreading hearing - he�s interested in someone.They�ve known each other for three years and met at the McDonald�s where she works. She only 20 years old. Lar-ry, as of today, is 47. I don't think either one of them sees the potential ramifications of a relationship between the two of them. She�ll undoubtedly want a family in the future, but if Lar-ry wants kids (which he does, desperately) it�s something he needs to think about soon. There are so many downsides to a relationship where there�s almost two generations separating two people. Love alone, doesn�t necessarily conquer all.
But I�m getting ahead of myself. This all may be a non-issue. I think the admiration may be only on his part. He claims she likes him (what�s not to like?) but he doesn�t know to what extent. I feel sorry for him. He�s always misread signals from women. If a girl is nice to him, he assumes she�s attracted to him. Hell, for all I know, she may be, but I wouldn�t be surprised to learn that she only thinks of him as a friend. I would love to question her and learn her intentions, if any, where he�s concerned.
I�m torn...
While I want only the best for Lar-ry and to see him happy and fulfilled, I know that by his entering into a relationship, things between us will be forever changed. Not too many people, especially a woman, would be accepting of a strong, affectionate male/female friendship. As adamant as Lar-ry has always been that he would allow no one to come between us, he admits he doesn�t know what the future holds.
As he told me about this girl and how he feels about her, I could tell I was losing him. I could feel him slipping away. He used words like �amazing� and �wonderful� to describe her. He said he hasn�t felt this way about anyone in a long time.
I hate the way I feel right now. I almost look upon her as competition - not because I�m unmarried and available to Lar-ry, but because I know as soon as he makes a commitment to someone, gone are the bi-yearly visits and walks on the beach. Never again will we close down Starbucks, drinking Mocha Valencias and yakking for hours about old times.
I�ve never had a friend quite like Lar-ry and without him, I�d be lost.
I tried to be happy for him. I tried to smile and blink back the tears that threatened to spill. I knew this day would come and I�ve spent years trying to prepare for it. I knew I�d be hurt. I knew I�d cry like I never have and I knew life as I know it, would change. What I didn�t expect to feel, however, was angry. As he went on and on about Miss Amazing and Wonderful, I really and truly hated him. I was glad it was dark and he couldn�t see my scowling resentment brewing. I used to be �wonderful and amazing�, now she is. He told me he didn�t know what their future held, but that she was �number one� on his list.
Hmph. I used to be the list.
You�re right. Go ahead and say it.
I�m jealous. I want Lar-ry all to myself. I have loved him with every fiber of my being for sixteen years and I don't want to have to share him with anyone.
I finally began to cry. Lar-ry held me and wiped my tears, but his focus never shifted from the subject of HER. For the first time since I�d met the man, I just wanted him to go away. I wanted him to leave me alone on the beach to sulk and cry. I needed time alone to regain my composure before I said something I would forever regret.
Instead, I said nothing. I just stood on the uneven sand, shivering from the cold and watching the moon light up the surf as it crashed on the sand. I tried to make myself feel differently, but I couldn�t. I wasn�t ready. I need time to take this all in.
I�ve never been a jealous person and I�ve never been catty (shut up) when a man is involved. These were new feelings for me.
Prior to Lar-ry expressing his feelings for this girl, we watched American Idol together. He had never seen it and I thought he might enjoy hearing John sing, since he�s a fan of the type of music John sings best. Instead, he fell in love with Jasmine. *Rolls eyes*
Overall, I thought the show was horrible. Diana was the only one who performed well and didn�t sound ridiculous. Fantasia looked as though her buoys may spill right out of their harnesses and her constant reference to Jennifer was pure self-politicking. It was so transparent, I bet my kids even saw right through it. LaToya was boring, George was completely out of his element and Jasmine couldn�t have been more off key. Poor John was so out of tune. I�m afraid tonight may be the end of the road for him. I hope it�s not, but I feel it may be time. After all, the poor kid is receiving death threats from Jennifer-followers whose asses are chapped about last week�s vote. Shouldn�t they be held responsible for not voting enough for their favorite? People are so stupid, it�s incredible.
Even Elton John in his infinite wisdom said he feels the voting process and the voters themselves are �racist�. Um yeah... that�s why the top six consists of three blacks. Stupid fag.
Stay tuned for Thursday�s entry soon...