Let Me Sleep, whuddya?
2004-02-22 at 7:52 a.m.
My family, including two members of the feline persuasion, are in cahoots to make certain I never sleep again.
First, leading the assualt on my slumber, is my dear husband. He snores. I don't mean a dull "Zzzzz" sound, either. I mean the brand of snoring that rips wallpaper off of walls and knock knick-knacks off the shelves of unsuspecting people on the next block. I always begin my attempt at silencing him, gently.
"Honey? I'm sorry, but... you're snoring."
After the next rumble of thunder awakens me, I try a more firm approach.
"Babe, you're going to have to roll over."
This is followed by a soft swat across whichever of his body parts is within reach. Finally, when his affliction sounds like a braying ass sitting on an electrical fence, I put my proverbial foot down...
"GET! THE FUCK! OUT!!"
K's reply? "Mm. Kay. Sorry... Zzzzzzzz"
And so resumes his deep sleep and his snoring in stereo. I end up sitting at the computer at 5:23am or on the couch watching reruns of Hee Haw in Spanish.
Next in command in the war against my sleep - J. J's snoring rivals that of his father. How did I hear his snoring, you ask? Well, it's easy when said child is in my bed after having a bad dream about "animoes in my woom". I take a little more sympathy towards J and his awakening of me, simply because he's so damn cute and snuggly.
G. "I am Prince G and hereby must sleep within a hug for the duration of night" He refuses to sleep in own bed and the only way any us get any sleep at all, is to give in and allow him in our bed. I know what you're all thinking... take a stand, be firm and insist he stay in his bed. Well, that's easier said than done at 2am when you'd kill your grandmother in order to get some decent rest.
Finally, we have Megan and Friday, two members of the cat population, who for some reason thought it productive to howl at a neigboring cat who visited their window in the wee hours of the night. As I made my nice, quiet bed on the couch, I was immediatley greeted by the deep sustained, "MUH-ROH! MUH-ROH!" from my furry offspring.
Why is everyone in this house against me sleeping, she whines.
Now, all members of my family, excepting E, are awake and demanding food. I suppose a nap is out of the question.